finding gratitude amongst unmet expectations

@ the Louve (the pics always only show you the one pyramid but there are so many others!!

The Excitement of the Unknown

With all of the cities, towns, and countries I’ve visited, I’ve found that my most exciting trips—the ones where I’ve learned the most and had the most fun—are when I didn’t know what to expect. Landing in a new place with no preconceived notions pushes me to make connections, explore fearlessly, and immerse myself in unfamiliar experiences. With nothing to compare it to, I’m open to everything.

Maybe it’s time I started approaching life the same way.

The Burden of Expectations

When it comes to my life, I’ve had a lot of expectations: when I’ll get married, to whom, the kind of job I’d have, the money I’d be making. Growing up, my parents had their own expectations for me, and I’m sure—yes, you, reading this post—have your own expectations about where this post is going.

I haven’t lived long, but I know one thing: expectations are real joy killers. We don’t see it in the moment, though. We’re just upset, sad, or angry when things don’t go the way we planned, especially when the reality feels worse than what we imagined. But I’ve noticed something. After the moment has passed, after the trip is over and I’m scrolling through my camera roll, it hits me: “Wow, I really did that and went there.” It’s not until later, sharing my travels with friends, that I realize how awesome the experience actually was.

Lessons in Acceptance

A transparent moment—right now, I’m in a hard place. I feel like I’m at the end of a lot of dreams I had growing up. I expected things to go one way, but reality is saying something else. So what do I do? I want to look back at this time and have fond memories of anticipating some exciting news (which I can’t wait to share soon!). But right now, reality and drama are not setting me up for success.

Instead, tears, pain, and anger are raging within me. I’m torn between using my efforts to force my expectations into reality or just accepting this side of life. Piggybacking off my last post, I, too, have to learn—and put into practice—“not being a tourist.” This year, my hardest lesson is acceptance. (I’m starting to hate these journal entries because they hit a little too close to home, haha.)

Being truly transparent with you, I use social media, friends… honestly, anything to avoid acceptance. Whether it’s dissatisfaction with my career, not having the guts to express myself publicly to build a community, or relational struggles—it’s all tied to expectations I’ve placed on myself. I thought I wouldn’t keep making the same mistakes in communication, in handling anger, or in how I respond to people I’ve had high expectations for. But here I am.

… see what i mean

Something two special people told me really stuck with me, and now I’m sharing it with you:

“You can’t control how people will interact with you, but you can accept that they won’t meet your expectations. Further, you don’t owe anyone an immediate reply or reaction. You can take your time to think and then respond.”

At first, I hated this advice. It got under my skin. Accept actions, comments, and even people I don’t agree with? It sounded insane. But after getting upset, rejecting it, and then experiencing a few more hard moments, I’ve realized that acceptance is the cleanest way out of the hole I’ve put myself in.

The Shift to Gratitude

Expectations are wild. I’m not entirely sure why they exist or how they’re formed, so let’s break it down:

Expectations are beliefs or assumptions about the future. They can be realistic or unrealistic, and the gap between them and reality creates a range of emotions. Humans tend to tie their hopes for happiness to expectations, looking to the world to align perfectly with what they want. But when reality doesn’t match, it’s our expectations that shape our disappointment.

“ People need to stop “must-urbating” and “should-ing” on themselves and others. In other words, change “must” and “should” into preferences and desires rather than imperatives.”

Dr. Ellis

It’s not that expectations shouldn’t exist, but they’re powerful tools. When given to the wrong person, experience, or trip, they will always fail you. Social media doesn’t help, showing us a glimpse of a “perfect” world where everything goes right. The antidote? Gratitude. When expectations and reality clash, instead of letting emotions take over, lay down the expectation and cultivate gratitude.

For example, if you’re expecting to take a trip in April but can’t get time off work, you could get upset at whoever you think is holding you back. Or you could take a deep breath and say, “At least I still get to go, and I’m thankful for the friends I’ll see when the time comes.” This releases the power reality has over you when it doesn’t align with your expectations.

What’s Next?

I’m sure I’ll come back with more to say, so maybe there’ll be a part two to this journey. But until then…

What’s one expectation you’ve recently let go of? Share your story below!

tata for now,

__________

xoxo

Mutanu