drop it

i don’t know about you but i have a hard time dropping things & letting it go, good & bad. its like there’s a little voice that goes off whenever something i did not plan for takes place. for years i’ve just ignored it- or at least i thought i did. now i’m starting to realize I’ve given that voice a little bit too much authority & its affecting other areas of my life… or maybe its always affected them & the people i was around were forgiving ( because they were family lol).

well anyways, i’ve really been noticing the effects of this voice. when things don’t go my way or i haven’t planned or factored in peoples responses after some time ( a day or two) my little kettle will go off & its a full on explosion. I go off on the person that is around me & then i go back to my past & see exactly were i messed up to get into this situation i am currently in. i drop all i am doing, all that i thought i was building that would lead me to the future i envisioned for myself looks like a wrong answer on a test & i wanna go straight to the fantasies of the past & build on that. on the good days i dont feel it but on the bad days when nothing is going to my plan i want to drop the present and run to the past. literally the only thing holding me back is not being able to time travel. what i have come to realize is- its double mindedness

i needed help & wanted to get rid of these feelings & hurting others i loved so i went to the Lord & asked him for help. when i did the Lord reminded me of Lot’s wife.

Who is Lot’s wife? well she’s a nameless woman in the Bible in the book of Genesis who we really don’t know much about. the only actions she has documented, is that she looked back on Sodom & Gomorrah as God was bringing judgement on the cities & turned into a pillar of salt.

Now let’s back track... from the chapters before Lot & his family was traveling & staying with Abraham & his family, after all Abraham was is uncle. so nothing out of the ordinary. well get this- they had gained so much, their abundance was abundancing & their servants were & property was starting to bicker… it was just like a long never ending road trip with your family. at some point its gotta end lol. so they decide to spit ways- for everyones sanity i’m sure:) Abraham let Lot pick were he wanted to go & Abraham would pick the opposite of his choice. Sodom & Gomorrah seemed like a beautiful strip of land & booming cities, the way the Bible depicts it, it sound like a place we might’ve picked as a travel destination, but there was only one little tiny itty bitty catch. the land was full of sin & Lot knew it too. so you know what he did? he took his family & property, servants & had them live outside of the of the city gates. He’s close enough to work but safe away to keep his family from partaking in the sin. fast forward a bit & we find Lot inside of the city gates with his family & all. His two daughters are engaged even! Imagine!

back to Lot’s wife , i’m no mom but just looking at my mom & knowing how excited she’d be to know i’m engaged & prepping for the weddings, working out who should attend the wedding, the colors, meeting the family though we don’t know her name sis had a lot going on for her in her new life in town. being a woman i know she had planned out life after her girls were married, maybe even buy a new home, the garden she’d tend too after years of voyaging & always being on the move, it must have been nice to just be. have friends outside of family. there was a lot going for her in this new phase of life. now these strangers (who are angels) come into your home, & tell you- you gotta leave tonight because the Lord is going to burn this whole city to the ground. I’m sorry but i would have been feeling some kinda away when my husband brings home people unexpectedly & tells me as he walks in & as i’ve already made dinner for 4 that know we’ve got company of 2 extra mouths to feed!!! now they talking about leaving after i have build all i have. I’ve made a home i’m comfortable in. leave it all & now because my daughters fiancés don’t even want to come we are starting all over again. again with no plan & (what feels like) aimlessly walking till who knows when. then genesis 19:17 happens…

17 As soon as they (the 2 angels) had brought them ( Lot, Lot’s wife, and his two daughters) out, one of them (angel) said, “Flee for your lives! Don’t look back, and don’t stop anywhere in the plain! Flee to the mountains or you will be swept away!” 23 By the time Lot reached Zoar, the sun had risen over the land. 24 Then the Lord rained down burning sulfur on Sodom and Gomorrah—from the Lord out of the heavens. 25 Thus he overthrew those cities and the entire plain, destroying all those living in the cities—and also the vegetation in the land.

& you know what else happened? ONLY NINE verses later-

26 But Lot’s wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt

& just like that, that’s the end of Lot’s wife. (she’s still physically there to this day!)

but what does that have to do with me… & well you too!

the voice of not being ready or able to fully let things go; to let the past go, to let go of what you had planned, your fantasies is disobedience.

when its put like that i can’t blame it on “the voice” i’ve allowed dictate my actions because the voice is me & me having a tantrum because i didn’t get what i want because somewhere deep down i believe i’m a god. & the idea doesn’t seem bad because if we were God we definitely wouldn’t see harm in dropping what he has given us let alone looking a back- what harm can come from that. but its the principle of being disobedient & causing more havoc seeing the past than looking ahead. & let me tell you living post the old testament- sure we don’t have burning sulfur raining down on us. however how much more awful is it to live a full life & see that you have been stagnant because you keep looking back….

so where does that leave us?

this leaves me at least to repent. to realize that this sin i have indulged in this voice of mine that i’ve made sacrifices to has to end once & for all. that when i am confronted with a situation that will scares me, that makes me want to crawl back into my shell of the past, to what is comfortable, to go back to my imaginations of a simpler, easier life if i had made one small step in a different direction that would have left me ( for some reason always happier & carefree) I’ll remember nameless Lot’s wife. I’ll remember that i am causing more harm than good by looking back. not only did Lot’s wife turn into a pillar her children later on cause their dad- yes those to engaged daughters, to drink until he didn’t realize that his own blood would have sex with him (aka rape him) so that they can have children. Lot’s wife of looking back & not dropping it caused a whole bunch of chaos & i don’t need more issues for my blood line.

so lets pray, lets pray to the God that hears us, who is passionately seeking ways for us to be more like Him to consume us & work within us.

Lord thank you for creating us & for creating us to desire to know & live out the plans you have for us from even before we were conceived. Lord we come to you humbly knowing you are God & i am not & that we need you every step of the way, not to focus our time & energy making plans, not on building castles in the air, not on our past fantasies but on you. we lay it all down at your feet. on the plans you have for us, plans that bring us a hope & a future! we ask as we repent & turn from our ways of putting ourselves higher than You. we ask that you would help us recognize the plans you have for us, through Your Word & let others confirm what you have created for us this week.

In Jesus’ name we pray,

Amen <3

wow! thanks for coming along on this journey of life with me :) lets work on not being so salty okay? wink wink

ps. if you wanna read the whole chapter (orrr the whole book 👀) & see what I was referencing feel free to check out the Bible.

pps. If you want real life examples or to talk more about this contact me or send me a message or dm or even comment below :)

- xoxo

Mutanu